Live it

So I realized it has been awhile since I posted. My life is always an adventure and there is always a lot of things going on through my mind. Life plans (multiple life plans). Back-up plans. Goals, ambitions and having fun.

I try to live it. I do the unpredictable. The opportunities that come-up that I don't plan for are typically the ones I take. I like to live on the whim. A friend described me as a leaf blowing in the wind.

The current theme I am attempting to live with life is to be "Young and Stupid". I am 23-years-old. This is the time for me to try new things and explore the world. I got the travel bug so I took a vacation to NYC and had a blast.

My life is full of surprises. People always ask what is next for me. I can't help but smile and say, "I don't know, right now I am just hanging-out." Then something happens that changes everything. I have a dream to live in Seattle or NYC or DC someday. I planned all of those out but each plan I have strayed away from because a new random opportunity has opened up.

I am living life. Find a random opportunity and take-it. It could be miserable or amazing. Seek adventure while hanging-out. Know that you will never starve and if you can't pay your bills they aren't going anywhere, except to collection agency :) (disclaimer mine aren't in a collection agency)

Punk Shows and Insurance Companies

They are always so much fun. I feel that concerts are always very intimate. You are standing super close to strangers and if it was for any other kind of event you would be in their personal space, but not at a concert. You are all right on top of another. It is rather interesting to look at when you think about it (possible research idea for nonverbal communication). Anyway. They are intimate and fun.

However they can also be painful. By this I mean painful emotionally and physically. My pain was both at my previous show. I went and saw my favorite band, Thrice. I haven't seem them live for quite sometime. I was super excited for this show. Their music speaks to me on so many different levels emotionally. They help me through pain and they also provide happiness. They have inspired one of my tattoos. This band means so much to me.

They were the headliner with Moving Mountains, O'Brother and La Dispute playing before them. Thrice opened their set with their newest single "Yellow Belly." I was super close to the front and in the center of the pit, when my knee got kicked and I got swung the opposite direction, dislocating my patella. I had to basically hang onto people to get out of the front of center stage.

My knee then started to pop back in place as they began singing "Somethings gone terribly wrong" in their song All the world is mad. Those few words stuck to me because something went terribly wrong, I should have been in the front for this entire set but instead I had a dislocated knee and had to ice it. I used one hand to ice my knee and the second hand held a tall boy of Lone Star.

In between the pain I rocked out as much as I could from the bleachers. Singing along at the top of my voice. I also tried not to cry emotionally because here I am sitting during my favorite band because I was in so much physical pain. However I sat and enjoyed it as much as I could. I did however pass-up the Invisible Children secret show afterwards, Dustin was playing an acoustic solo show after to raise funds for Invisible Children.

I got home took a long hot bath and then iced my patella. I took some advil and then slept. I woke-up today in excruciating pain.  I then realized that I needed to go to Urgent Care. After going to four different locations I finally found a place that took my insurance. It was very frustrating. I hate insurance companies and it is ridiculous that I had to go to four different locations to be see when I was in this much pain.

After I was seen, my x-rays showed that my patella is still not completely back in place and I have to go to an ortho specialist which I have made an appointment for. I am now wearing an immobilizer and on vicodin. It is slightly scary because I could be needing surgery. Which means I may not be able to work for a few weeks. I don't know how to survive without working, I mean I rent and other bills and what not. These answers are just waiting for Friday.

In the meantime I am out of commission. I have no vehicle and I can't ride my bike, it sucks. Getting to and fro work is going to be a challenge but I believe I am up for it. After all this is just an experience that I have to deal with. Thankfully I will have some musical inspiration. 

Six months and the Brits...

It is hard to believe that in about a week I would have lived in Austin for six months and to discover how much my life has changed. I have always been the green type of person but these last six months I feel that I have grown into an even greener person. I do not have a car in Austin, I ride my bike everywhere,

Without driving I am reducing CO2 emissions drastically and I love knowing that I am making a small impact. I know it is not much but I feel it is enough. By cycling everywhere I am also getting more exercise and daily exercise. Its not like I didn't exercise back in Reno but I am definitely making health a larger priority in my life in Austin. I am eating out a lot less and cooking more at home. My overall consumption has been decreasing.

I am learning to find fun in new and different activities that I haven't done before. I am finding my passion for creative writing more and more everyday. I am growing more into myself. I am becoming a stronger individual. I have struggled through some of this but I keep my motivation high and I keep myself going. I am finding zen.

Although I haven't really found a "circle of friends" the people that I am finding are teaching me so much about life. Helping me find new discoveries. I am realizing so many different avenues. I am not saying I know what I want to do but I am learning things that I don't want to do. I am discovering a new way of learning. I have been putting myself through many rigorous mental challenges as well.

I feel lost and found all at once. I am just going with the flow but not settling for anything. I am creating some safety nets but none of them are for certain.  I am discovering a new pair of lens to see the world through and I am loving it.

I have also seemed to meet some very notable people during these 6 months. A few have been some people who I occasionally meet-up with for drinks, a few of them are people vacationing in Austin like my last extravaganza with the Brits. They were some of the coolest and most genuine individuals I have yet to meet. However having a night out with Brits entails a large amount of drinking because they expect you to keep-up pint for pint. Thus creates a large headache the next day but anyhow it is always fun.

Born Free

A friend that is very dear to me asked my opinion on an MIA music video called Born Free below are the lyrics and the video.

Whooo!
Yeah man made powers
Stood like a tower higher and higher hello
And the higher you go you feel lower, oh
I was close to the end staying undercover
staying undercover
With a nose to the ground I found my sound

Got myself an interview tomorrow
I got myself a jacket for a dolla
.............
and the car doesn't work so I'm stuck here
yeah i don't wanna live for tomorrow
I push my life today
I throw this in your face when I see ya
I got something to say
I throw this shit in your face when I see ya
Cause I got something to say

I was born free (born free)
I was born free (born free)
(bo-bo-born free ....)

You could try to find ways to be happier
You might end up somewhere in Ethiopia
You can think big with your idea
You ain't never gonna find utopia
Take a bite out of life make it snappier yeah
Ordinary gon super trippyer
So I check sh!t cause I'm lippyer
And split a cheque like slovakia

Yeah i don't wanna live for tomorrow
I push my life today
I throw this in your face when I see you
I got something to say
I throw this sh!t in your face when I see you
Cause I got something to say

I was born free (born free)
I was born free (born free)
I was born free (born free)
(bo-bo-born free ....)
ooooh

I don't wanna talk about money, 'cause I got it
And I don't wanna talk about hoochies, 'cause I been it
And I don't wanna be that fake?, but you can do it
And imitators, yeah, speak it

Oh Lord? whoever you are, yeah come out wherever you are
Oh Lord? whoever you are, yeah come out wherever you are
and tell em!

Born free (born free)
I was born free (born free)
I was born free (born free)
(bo-bo-born free ....)

I am still trying to figure out what the message this video is dictating. There are so many different angles that my mind went to. The first thing that I can for surely say is the directing style of this video is phenomenal. Also I appreciate the "freedom of speech" used in it. I quoted freedom of speech because MIA is not American, she is from the UK. My point being is that I appreciate people who speak their mind on controversial issues. I respect that no matter what their cause is. The fact that the speak-up I appreciate it. Now that I have said that I want to explore the message of this video.

The first time I watched it my immediate thought was that in some weird underlining way it was talking about the holocaust but portraying a different sector of discrimination upon redheads or the ever new popular term that South Park created, "Gingers", the soulless, red haired, freckled individuals. I have decided against the idea of it talking about the Holocaust but I do think that the director did use ideas from the holocaust to make the point.

After thinking it over I believe this video means and dictates one own thought. It hits on many different political elements. It speaks a lot but I feel what it is mostly doing is creating an action/reaction conversation about discrimination and police states. With the over all lyrics saying "Born Free" it states we are all human, we are all born to live, we all have the right to be free and live life the way we want. 

I think that the target of redheads was perfect to a degree because of the pop-culture affect of the "Ginger" it also highlights that people try looking for reasons to discriminate against others. This video is a perfect outlet to bring-up the conversation of discrimination in all aspects.

Do I think it was fair that it singled out redheads, no, but I don't think it would have been fair to single out any other group either and that is the point I see in this overall video and song. Let's all learn to love, accept and fight to have that freedom, because we are all born free. We are all human.

I feel that it can hit on many current events, such as the revolution in Libya, or on if muslim women in France can wear a burka. These issues can be discussed with this video. It is an alternate world that we are not used to seeing but by choosing redheads to discriminate against in the video does that completely alter their reality and could it cause discrimination against them like the "Ginger" episode of South Park did?

Struggle

Being a poor young intelligent individual is tough. I always think I have a plan or solution to the chaos of life. My thought my be correct. I have great intentions, I try to make life happen and do things but then I always get into some sort of funk where I do nothing. I get lazy. I stop working out. I just sit around and bum around.

This could be due to the fact that when I am in my active state I stay active until pure exhaustion and then my bum state comes along for maybe a month or so. I start to get lazy and not care to do much besides go to work and go home and sleep all hours. It gets to the point where nothing is satisfying unless if it is late night boozing but even then that wears on my individual. I become fatigued, lost in thought, great thought, possibly the best thought of life but my laziness has won to the point where I don't write it down and it is lost forever.

I have been feeling like I was in that funk for a couple of weeks. I wasn't creating anything to happen in my life. No surprise, no big events, nothing to look forward to but the same monotonous day that just keeps occurring and then I think if this is how my eternal recurrence will be looking through the eyes of Nietzsche then I pray there better be a God. Although I know it is much more simple after life, there is nothing. I think about this and realize I must create. I must focus, I must live and not get trapped by any funk or financial digression. Part of living is to struggle but part of joy is overcoming these struggles and realizing that it is my life. Live it. Don't be defined by others, don't live to the expectations of society. Live  each experience. Live each moment. Create a moment to be living in. Make things happen. Don't sit around waiting. Drown yourself in the sea.

I didn't see this part of me until I got my bike brakes fixed. I struggled cycling because I had to take some hills nice and slow, especially going down hill. I had to struggle. I couldn't brake, it was scary, possibly deathly but that was because of cars and traffic but if I could have kept going with out worrying about those other people it would have felt like freedom, satisfying. I am thankful I have brakes again and my bike. The extension to my life, the thing that make me feel the most free. The thing that grants my will. Sometimes it is a pain in the ass but that is freedom. I have to give myself some restrictions of complete freedom like having safety brakes but what I am learning now is to not always depend on safety brakes by depending on them to much you are constraining yourself causing a new struggle but a struggle that is trapping you. Creating a struggle that has no boundaries but a safety brake sounds better.

I missed seizing certain moments that could have been life changing. I wanted to see what will happen instead of doing. I am tired of waiting. I need to create, engage, live. I know I will struggle and get in other funks but I also know I am making things happen. It is not about having plans and goals for a future. Those things are nice, it is about the small things. Not knowing what you are going to do the next day but knowing you are going to do something. The things I currently do know that I am doing is that I am going to Lubbock to see the Nevada football game, I will be going to a Thrice concert and Niki (@missniki13) is visiting me for that, and I am taking the GREs. That is enough for me to know but I know this now I need to live in other ways. I need to create smaller random things and become more spontaneous from day to day.

Not Going Back to School

It has hit me, finally. I am not in school. I haven't been now for 9 months almost to the day. I am not in school. It is so hard to believe. I am not going back. I am seeing these ads in stores and magazines of "back to school" sales. At my new job in the service industry my co-workers are talking about how they are starting school this week. The teachers at the local schools have been telling me as well. I went to a back-to-school party and I couldn't talk about classes that I am looking forward to or not looking forward to. I see all the free time I truly have.

What am I doing with my life? School has been the entirety of my life. A part of my mind was saying, "Alright. Adam, vacation from school is over" but I am still not going back to school. No matter what, I won't have to stress for hours upon hours about assignments. I have gone as far as creating my own class in my mind. Am I insane? Am I absurd? Neither. I am filling the void of having the passion of learning. I yearn to learn. The more I learn the more I see how much I truly do not know.

I am creating my own graduate school at the moment. I am self-teaching myself things I would never have dreamed of doing. I am an academic at heart. My eyes are wide open. It is time to enter the field that my heart is yearning for. It is time to learn. Struggle, do whatever but in my own means.

Yes I do plan on going to grad school still. In fact I am on the hunt for GRE books (My old ones are in a box in Reno somewhere). This is it. Time to master my own mind (Although I know it can truly never be mastered).

By the way to follow my journey of self-teaching Nietzsche read this blog.

Thank You Reminiscence

I am not typically a person who lives constantly in my own past memories and endeavors but occasionally I  have to reminisce. I have to dig deep and remember. Then I look at those memories and see how it has affected my life in some cases. Each one of those experiences is a part of who I am today. I may not have known it then but the present will and does define my future. I am not talking about destiny I am talking about how each experience affects me and creates my present character. These experiences rack-up and the more I have the greater my life. This is why I do not dwell upon experiences but today reminiscing happened, a lot of it happened.

It did start with a sill Facebook status game that I saw my mother and brother-in-law playing. Give me a year. My brother-in-law gave me the year 2001. This year was a very defining year for me. I was a young adolescent middle schooled puberty ridden boy. In-other-words I was awkward like all adolescents. This year was more than just that for me though this was the year when I left my rural roots to my urban life. I moved to the city that gave me experiences that shaped my life. I moved to Reno. The next 5 years, my teenage years were spent in that city drawing out the way I view the world, shaping my eye glasses and deciding what lens to look through to see Mother Earth for what she is.

I am not going to lie I was kind of an introvert during those years but slowly becoming more of an extrovert each year, then college made me an extreme extrovert. I think that was part of the small town life that I had been used to before I moved. I was extremely shy and probably awkward when I first arrived to my suburban sprawl middle school. I was still watching the Disney channel and catching Nickolodeon re-runs of Rug Rats, Doug and AHHHHH Real Monsters. Those good 90s cartoons I spent growing up watching. I met my oldest friend that year as well, Niki. She is very close to me. It is hard to believe that we have been friends for 10 years, a decade of memories and many more to come.

In 2001 I also broke both my arms, one in the Spring and the other one in the Fall. It was also the year that 9/11 happened a defining moment for the United States and a moment that probably helped shape my peace loving ways, well maybe not the event itself but the aftermath that took place. All of these memories from 2001 overwhelmed me.

Then another thing happened to me today. I had to reminisce even more. I got an Amazon package and it was supposed to be Zinc Oxide Powder so I can finish making my homemade deodorant but somehow it turned out to be Sandi Thom's album "Smile...It Confuses People." I am not sure how that happened but it did. I bought this album originally back in the summer of 2007 and somehow lost it but the song "I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker (With Flowers in my Hair)" is on this album. I had to listen to it because it is one of my favorite songs. This song has a very vivid memory of me driving around Reno to Hug High School for the Hilary Clinton event that took place that year (2007). I was driving my 1988 Camouflaged Suburban overfilled with the University of Nevada Young Democrats blasting that song. I am sure we looked ridiculous. A bunch of tree-hugging liberal hippies in a gas gosling camo SUV blasting worldly music, getting an endurance high because we were about to meet Hilary Clinton. That is what I call America and of course Reno Classy.

So that song brought back memories and it happened to be one about the Camo Suburban (Whose name was Tony). That suburban memory then took me back to high school memories but at the same time so did a movie I watched today. This movie was focusing on senior prom. Showing how some high schoolers struggle finding a date for Prom. I was very lucky when it came to that issue but little did I know at the beginning of my senior year that I would attend three Proms that year. I was just a debate nerd and theatre geek. The proms I went to I had a lot of fun. Even going with girls who at the beginning of my senior year were not my original choices. Some of them I didn't even realize it was going to happen. I went to my senior prom with my girl friend at the time, then I went to my tech school's prom with a friend who I met in middle school but hadn't talked to again until my senior year of high school because we went to different schools. Then I ended up going to Churchill County High School's prom with a fellow debate nerd. I felt like a ladies man. Shortly after Prom I would drive around town in that camo suburban and having road rage telling cars to "moooooooove your ass" (Moooing like a cow). That suburban also broke down on the Golden Gate bridge when I did a mission trip with my high school youth group.

Now that I look at all of these experiences that I reminisced upon I can now see how each one has formed a part of my character that I am today. A little red neck, a lot environmentalist, peace activist and I am single to mingle right now. Each one of those experiences just add to my personality.